Good-for-nothing?

Changes are inevitable

The only things that are constant in life are changes.

But, do you remember?

You were once 

Someone who told me to have some decent boundaries among the guy friends

Wants me to read and understand the Quran

Asked me almost every day if I've read it, even though my replies were rebellious

"Tak payah lah tanya, kau ni sibuk je lah"

Someone who hates to delay the daily prayers and drawn me to do the same too

Wrote me a short dua to read it daily just because it's a scary world out there

Taught me what to do when I'm terrified of the heavy rain thunders

Do you remember?

You were once a wise person with strong principle.

Years might pass

But those version of you will forever be remembered

Always am --and will always do.

Thank you.

6 bulan kemudian...

I miss writing, I truly am.

Somehow I think Im a better person when Im into writing. Better in what way, Im not sure. But I just knew I do.

Maybe because I love to read my old blog post and reminiscing on memories and phases of life.

So when I dont write, I tend to forget.

Always had those overwhelming spirit on writing bout major things that happened in my life but end up (most of the time) never did. So sad.

So to start simple, since my last post was in March. Hello thats like 6 bulan lepas. Half a year.

I officially graduated as a Doctor!!

Yeayyy alhamdulillah :)

Can you believe it? Macam tak percaya 

Ke denial sebab jadi student actually phase paling best dalam hidup haha

BUT, its a long waiting period to actually working as one. So Im having a LONG BREAK in life. And to be honest, reading all those FB status bout how stressful working life is, made me appreciate this long break more than ever.

So worry not, IM NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN BOUT HOW LONG IT GOING TO BE. 

Im still trying to figure out what to do with my life now. As much as I enjoy those spare times, I felt so guilty that those time wasnt spent wisely. Trying to find a part time job. This time I know myself Im being picky bout it. Im really not into retails job atm, simply because I still want my weekend to be off.

Wanted to have a job that means something to the society. Nak jadi cikgu tapi tiba tiba rasa macam susah gila lepas tutor Eisya siang tadi. Padahal baru darjah satu. Haha. 

Well, we'll see how it goes.

Till then,

- Your jobless doctor. 

#49daystoFinalExam

10th March 2016


Kau claim dengan Tuhan,

Tapi aku dah selalu je study,
Tapi aku jarang gila ponteng tutorial,
Tapi aku rajin je study group,
Tapi aku dah buat banyak benda,
Tapi kenapa aku?

Kenapa aku?

Kenapa tak orang lain.
Kenapa tak orang lain yang study pun entah bila.
Kenapa tak orang lain yang tak kisah pun pasal exam.
Kenapa tak orang yang selalu ponteng kelas.

Kenapa eh? Kenapa?


Kau claim kenapa dalam banyak banyak orang Dia pilih kau.

Tapi kau lupa,
Pernah tak sekali dalam hidup kau pertikaikan nikmat yang kau dapat?
Makan minum tak pernah kurang.
Sempurna anggota badan,
Mak, ayah, rumah, duit.

Pernah ke kau claim kenapa dalam banyak banyak manusia Tuhan nak bagi kau.
Layak ke nak claim segala "effort" yang kau bagi dengan nikmat yang seribu lagi banyak Tuhan dah beri.

Malu nya.
Ya Rabb, maafkan diri yang hina, terlalu sombong dan selalu alpa

Lupa akan realiti nya rezeki Allah bukan lah pada "effort" fizikal semata-mata. 

Mungkin terlalu lama hilang pergantungan pada Nya

Sebab tu Allah rindu.

Wahai diri

Pujuk lah hati.

Its okay. Its alright.
Allah tahu.

Intan Nur Hadilah, hang in there.
Allah tahu struggles kau.

Dia kan tengok usaha?

:)

SOCRATES

intan nur hadilah

" So, from a scale of 1-10, from 1 being okay to 10 being really bad, how would you rate your pain?"

A question that (most of) medical students would ask their patients in history taking.
But personally it's not one of my favourite question to ask.
Most of the time, when I find it less relevant I'll just skip it.

Pain is subjective.
Everyone has a different pain threshold.
Some might tolerate pain better than other people.
Be it physical or emotional.

Emotional pain.

People might say heart broken is the worst heartache in the world.
Well as for me, there will always be a worse scale of emotional pain than being heart broken.
The pain of losing your family members.
The kind of pain that time doesn't heals.
Time made you stronger talking about it.
But deep inside..............

Only He knows how it felt :)

This remind me of a friend who just lost his father two years.
I was there for the tahlil. She came to me and said,

" Kita tak tahu lah macam mana. Every time teringat mesti nangis. Intan, will the pain ever stop?"
I can still remember her sad looking eyes. Full of hopes. Waiting for me to answer "Yes, soon."
But I cant answer that. Because its one ugly truth that only those who went through it will understand. Can I just hug you instead?

So if I have to answer a pain scale question, from 1-10. My answer would be,

Infinity.

Bukan mengadu domba,

Cuma berkongsi rasa.

From You through her.

intan nur hadilah

It's the thought that counts.

I have always love mini muffin from Aldi.

But I wont buy it because I had this strict principle on 'junk' food. If you dont buy it, you wont eat it. Exception on the time of the month, if you get what I meant.

So yesterday, I had this sudden craving.

It crossed my mind, " Okay kalau pergi Aldi nak beli lah muffin tu."

Today is Thursday

"Salam kak Intan, ada kat rumah tak? Ada orang kirim barang. Sorry dia dah bagi Monday, kte asyik lupa nak bawak."

"What a coincidence." A normal reaction.

Tapi bila tengok dengan mata hati.

Rasa macam nak nangis bila fikir betapa sweet nya percaturan Dia.

And what did I do to deserve this?

As simple as a mini muffin, I just felt this is a total blessing.
Double triple love.

From a dear friend and You. 

Sherina take care in Letterkenny. I miss you too.

Cant wait for you to settle down back in Galway 🌹

Love has eyes and is not blind.

intan nur hadilah


A song that initially meant to be a Youtube Ad,
Before we all go ' Skip Ad' after 5 seconds.
But this one, somehow made me stuck till the end.

" I never been with anyone, In the way I've been with you."

a drama queen

thanks intan for tagging me in your last post. ok. not. but who cares, i'll assume you "tagged" me. haha

20 things about sarah hani.

1. a PTS student. so I dont know what tahun 4 feels like
- my circle of friends are mostly a year older than me, duh?
- will always remember how I prepared for my exam/ when I was told I passed my PTS/ my first day in tahun 5
- due to PTS, i have minimal close primary school friends.

2. growing up, I have more guy friends rather than girl friends.

3. I play sports. hyperactive. give me a ball, i can kick/throw/dodge. give me a shuttlecock, i can hit. i swim. i run (not marathon material).
- few sports i dont play well = hockey and tennis

4. plans ahead, try my very best to stick with it and gets moody when things dont go to plan. am starting to accept random plans

5. i am so traditional when it comes to my meal choices. not that i cant survive in "hipster" cafes, but i rather have nasi goreng and tomyam campur and eat in the gerai under the zinc attap. I love the concept of tapau-ing nasi campur during lunch hour (so many lauk pauk to choose from!). dislike fine dining, the concept it too overrated.

6. a proud member of 3 stars. my siblings, we grow up supporting each other. my nuclear family my life.

7. travel to Penang almost every year

8.  i was prescribed a daily dose of intan nur hadilah when i was in high school. not complaining, it is a positive fact.

have you ever had someone so close to you that when you guys walk together, and something/someone passes by, and the other person taps your hand and both of you just started laughing at the same exact thing. no eye contact/verbal communication needed to describe what happened... yes, me and intan we had those moments in life. our mind were in the same wavelength, not a minute earlier or later from each other. 

9. LOVE prawns/anything that looks like it. seafood.

10. i enjoy travelling. and i try not to travel to the same place twice because there are so many other places to see in this world.

11. studies medicine in Australia. and rented a house with 7 other occupants for a year (4 bedrooms, 1 bathroom with separated toilet). I have been sleeping on a mattress (without a bed frame) for 3 years now.

12. i may love cats more than humans at times. or most of the time? tehee

13. baking is not my forte. dislike the cleaning up part. the batter of sugar+butter+flour is so oily,

14. suffers from contact dermatitis since a I was a kid. so, steroid and antihistamine are kinda my buddies.

15. tries my very best to be a reliable daughter to wonderful parents.

16. never bought myself makeup/things to decorate your eyes/cheeks/lips. minimally wore those stuffs on SPECIAL occasions and under huge pressure and influence. never randomly volunteered myself for makeup.

17. i dont drink fresh milk just like that, i dont eat ikan keli (or anything that looks like it), i dont eat cheese on its own, i dont eat butter on its own, i dont enjoy coffee.

18. my prominent taylor's memory? the first time I talked to a guy through his car's window, when picking up intan. I acted so chilled. then the random, unexpected birthday wish from an unknown mobile number.

19. details. i see what other people think is not really important. the sewing style of buttons on a shirt/the material used to make the strap of a bag etc

20. a drama queen.



to intan nur hadilah,
your no 20 fact would be: kau tak suka makan kuih sagu. kuih biji2, warna merah (or sekarang kau dah start makan?) lol