You did not break me, Im still finding for peace

To the 25 years old me,

Today you were so broken inside

You were hurt

That unbearable pain walking away from a relationship that you wished could be your forever.

I know you never felt this broken before

You cried like you never before for all,

Those insignificant heartache, those restless night, those crazy anxiety, those over thinking and insecurity

You let yourself be faint and weak when you was meant to be strong and bright

And you lost it all when people dearest to you are settling down, married with the love of their life.

And there were you sadly thinking why in the world am I still have to deal with all these sh*t

Perhaps you thought you've met the one

You thought you have given your best,

Or perhaps you were just too scared to be...alone.

No, im not here to tell you "I told you so."

Im here to tell you that its okay darling, what you're feeling now is real

Cry your heart out, dont hold back those tears. Yet do know, you'll be better

Maybe not tomorrow neither the day after

But one thing fr sure, I'll promise you, you will surely be.

Know that nothing last forever, no even your laughter and so does this pain.

Because one day, you'll wake up with an open heart believing,

You are beautiful just the way you are

You know you deserve better

His validation doesnt define your precious self-worth. And most importantly,

You woke up blessed knowing that this is a wake-up call.

That Allah is saving you from things you had closed one eye to, those red flags you were too denial to admit it

And you could have never be more content that you walked away from it.

To NA,

You were once the risk i chose to take

My person, my saviour

My heart and soul,

My perfect stranger.

I gave you more that i had ever given another human being

I trusted you with all of me, something that never happened before

Thank you fr letting me know how it felt to be loved the way I never did before

Thank you for being the exact person you were once said you never would wanna  be.

And thank you, for made me realised all the right reason not to fall in love with wrong person (again).

Dear the 25 years old me,

You grow out of this stronger,

You are wise enough to embrace the beauty of all the pain that you went through.

Because the only way to escape when you reached rock-bottom is to go up.

Nothing happens without a purpose, nothing.

Not even heart broken, not even pain

Dear Intan Nur Hadilah,

You're caught in between strong mind and fragile heart,

There is only one place where you can lau your dependencies.

There is only one relationship that should define your self-worth and only once source from which to seek our ultimate happiness, fulfillment and security

That place is God.

Sweetheart,

Know your priority, this life is temporary

Never lose hope, have faith

Indeed Allah is with the patient

And you'll do great, in sha Allah

p.s: i love you dearly, and so does the wonderful souls that surrounds you. Please never forget that.

Adel Mardhiyah

Dear Adel Mardhiyah,

Yes, dont be suprise when you found this post link one day upon Google-ing your name. Maybe in 2030, when you're 17.

Or maybe much earlier since you might know how to use the Safari next year.

You're the first bundle of joy in our nuclear family. The first grandchildren, the  first niece, the first who get to call me Mak Ngah. How lucky is that? ;p

Im sorry you hasnt get the chance to meet and know your grandfather, but I want you to know he would be the happiest Atuk when you came to the world. 

Dear Adel Mardhiyah,

Whatever happens in the future, please do know that I love you dearly wholeheartedly. I grew up not knowing what it feels like to have cool, awesome Aunties. But please know you have not only one, but two that you can count on anytime, anywhere. Stay adorable, and be good to your parent. 

With lots of love ❤️

Mak Ngah

The 3 years old you and 25 years old me. 

Ignorance is (-nt always ) a bliss

intan nur hadilah

I used to live on 'Ignorance is bliss". 

Unfriend, hide, block.

When you don't know, you dont get hurt.

No anger, no heartache.

Because Im fragile like that.

But this time it was different.

I realised that at one point, 

You need to know the truth.

Escapism isnt always the best way out

Need to see it with your own eyes

Need to face it, by hook or by crook

No matter how much you know its going to hurt or destroy you.

Because at the end of the day,

"Truth hurt but it sets you free."

And you know one thing for sure--

You'll get better in time

Better and stronger. 

With or without a healed scar.

ps: Was browsing through my phone and found there were few random notes I wrote from time to time. And I think its better off fr it to posted here :)

Good-for-nothing?

Changes are inevitable

The only things that are constant in life are changes.

But, do you remember?

You were once 

Someone who told me to have some decent boundaries among the guy friends

Wants me to read and understand the Quran

Asked me almost every day if I've read it, even though my replies were rebellious

"Tak payah lah tanya, kau ni sibuk je lah"

Someone who hates to delay the daily prayers and drawn me to do the same too

Wrote me a short dua to read it daily just because it's a scary world out there

Taught me what to do when I'm terrified of the heavy rain thunders

Do you remember?

You were once a wise person with strong principle.

Years might pass

But those version of you will forever be remembered

Always am --and will always do.

Thank you.

6 bulan kemudian...

I miss writing, I truly am.

Somehow I think Im a better person when Im into writing. Better in what way, Im not sure. But I just knew I do.

Maybe because I love to read my old blog post and reminiscing on memories and phases of life.

So when I dont write, I tend to forget.

Always had those overwhelming spirit on writing bout major things that happened in my life but end up (most of the time) never did. So sad.

So to start simple, since my last post was in March. Hello thats like 6 bulan lepas. Half a year.

I officially graduated as a Doctor!!

Yeayyy alhamdulillah :)

Can you believe it? Macam tak percaya 

Ke denial sebab jadi student actually phase paling best dalam hidup haha

BUT, its a long waiting period to actually working as one. So Im having a LONG BREAK in life. And to be honest, reading all those FB status bout how stressful working life is, made me appreciate this long break more than ever.

So worry not, IM NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN BOUT HOW LONG IT GOING TO BE. 

Im still trying to figure out what to do with my life now. As much as I enjoy those spare times, I felt so guilty that those time wasnt spent wisely. Trying to find a part time job. This time I know myself Im being picky bout it. Im really not into retails job atm, simply because I still want my weekend to be off.

Wanted to have a job that means something to the society. Nak jadi cikgu tapi tiba tiba rasa macam susah gila lepas tutor Eisya siang tadi. Padahal baru darjah satu. Haha. 

Well, we'll see how it goes.

Till then,

- Your jobless doctor. 

#49daystoFinalExam

10th March 2016


Kau claim dengan Tuhan,

Tapi aku dah selalu je study,
Tapi aku jarang gila ponteng tutorial,
Tapi aku rajin je study group,
Tapi aku dah buat banyak benda,
Tapi kenapa aku?

Kenapa aku?

Kenapa tak orang lain.
Kenapa tak orang lain yang study pun entah bila.
Kenapa tak orang lain yang tak kisah pun pasal exam.
Kenapa tak orang yang selalu ponteng kelas.

Kenapa eh? Kenapa?


Kau claim kenapa dalam banyak banyak orang Dia pilih kau.

Tapi kau lupa,
Pernah tak sekali dalam hidup kau pertikaikan nikmat yang kau dapat?
Makan minum tak pernah kurang.
Sempurna anggota badan,
Mak, ayah, rumah, duit.

Pernah ke kau claim kenapa dalam banyak banyak manusia Tuhan nak bagi kau.
Layak ke nak claim segala "effort" yang kau bagi dengan nikmat yang seribu lagi banyak Tuhan dah beri.

Malu nya.
Ya Rabb, maafkan diri yang hina, terlalu sombong dan selalu alpa

Lupa akan realiti nya rezeki Allah bukan lah pada "effort" fizikal semata-mata. 

Mungkin terlalu lama hilang pergantungan pada Nya

Sebab tu Allah rindu.

Wahai diri

Pujuk lah hati.

Its okay. Its alright.
Allah tahu.

Intan Nur Hadilah, hang in there.
Allah tahu struggles kau.

Dia kan tengok usaha?

:)

SOCRATES

intan nur hadilah

" So, from a scale of 1-10, from 1 being okay to 10 being really bad, how would you rate your pain?"

A question that (most of) medical students would ask their patients in history taking.
But personally it's not one of my favourite question to ask.
Most of the time, when I find it less relevant I'll just skip it.

Pain is subjective.
Everyone has a different pain threshold.
Some might tolerate pain better than other people.
Be it physical or emotional.

Emotional pain.

People might say heart broken is the worst heartache in the world.
Well as for me, there will always be a worse scale of emotional pain than being heart broken.
The pain of losing your family members.
The kind of pain that time doesn't heals.
Time made you stronger talking about it.
But deep inside..............

Only He knows how it felt :)

This remind me of a friend who just lost his father two years.
I was there for the tahlil. She came to me and said,

" Kita tak tahu lah macam mana. Every time teringat mesti nangis. Intan, will the pain ever stop?"
I can still remember her sad looking eyes. Full of hopes. Waiting for me to answer "Yes, soon."
But I cant answer that. Because its one ugly truth that only those who went through it will understand. Can I just hug you instead?

So if I have to answer a pain scale question, from 1-10. My answer would be,

Infinity.

Bukan mengadu domba,

Cuma berkongsi rasa.

From You through her.

intan nur hadilah

It's the thought that counts.

I have always love mini muffin from Aldi.

But I wont buy it because I had this strict principle on 'junk' food. If you dont buy it, you wont eat it. Exception on the time of the month, if you get what I meant.

So yesterday, I had this sudden craving.

It crossed my mind, " Okay kalau pergi Aldi nak beli lah muffin tu."

Today is Thursday

"Salam kak Intan, ada kat rumah tak? Ada orang kirim barang. Sorry dia dah bagi Monday, kte asyik lupa nak bawak."

"What a coincidence." A normal reaction.

Tapi bila tengok dengan mata hati.

Rasa macam nak nangis bila fikir betapa sweet nya percaturan Dia.

And what did I do to deserve this?

As simple as a mini muffin, I just felt this is a total blessing.
Double triple love.

From a dear friend and You. 

Sherina take care in Letterkenny. I miss you too.

Cant wait for you to settle down back in Galway 🌹

Love has eyes and is not blind.

intan nur hadilah


A song that initially meant to be a Youtube Ad,
Before we all go ' Skip Ad' after 5 seconds.
But this one, somehow made me stuck till the end.

" I never been with anyone, In the way I've been with you."

a drama queen

thanks intan for tagging me in your last post. ok. not. but who cares, i'll assume you "tagged" me. haha

20 things about sarah hani.

1. a PTS student. so I dont know what tahun 4 feels like
- my circle of friends are mostly a year older than me, duh?
- will always remember how I prepared for my exam/ when I was told I passed my PTS/ my first day in tahun 5
- due to PTS, i have minimal close primary school friends.

2. growing up, I have more guy friends rather than girl friends.

3. I play sports. hyperactive. give me a ball, i can kick/throw/dodge. give me a shuttlecock, i can hit. i swim. i run (not marathon material).
- few sports i dont play well = hockey and tennis

4. plans ahead, try my very best to stick with it and gets moody when things dont go to plan. am starting to accept random plans

5. i am so traditional when it comes to my meal choices. not that i cant survive in "hipster" cafes, but i rather have nasi goreng and tomyam campur and eat in the gerai under the zinc attap. I love the concept of tapau-ing nasi campur during lunch hour (so many lauk pauk to choose from!). dislike fine dining, the concept it too overrated.

6. a proud member of 3 stars. my siblings, we grow up supporting each other. my nuclear family my life.

7. travel to Penang almost every year

8.  i was prescribed a daily dose of intan nur hadilah when i was in high school. not complaining, it is a positive fact.

have you ever had someone so close to you that when you guys walk together, and something/someone passes by, and the other person taps your hand and both of you just started laughing at the same exact thing. no eye contact/verbal communication needed to describe what happened... yes, me and intan we had those moments in life. our mind were in the same wavelength, not a minute earlier or later from each other. 

9. LOVE prawns/anything that looks like it. seafood.

10. i enjoy travelling. and i try not to travel to the same place twice because there are so many other places to see in this world.

11. studies medicine in Australia. and rented a house with 7 other occupants for a year (4 bedrooms, 1 bathroom with separated toilet). I have been sleeping on a mattress (without a bed frame) for 3 years now.

12. i may love cats more than humans at times. or most of the time? tehee

13. baking is not my forte. dislike the cleaning up part. the batter of sugar+butter+flour is so oily,

14. suffers from contact dermatitis since a I was a kid. so, steroid and antihistamine are kinda my buddies.

15. tries my very best to be a reliable daughter to wonderful parents.

16. never bought myself makeup/things to decorate your eyes/cheeks/lips. minimally wore those stuffs on SPECIAL occasions and under huge pressure and influence. never randomly volunteered myself for makeup.

17. i dont drink fresh milk just like that, i dont eat ikan keli (or anything that looks like it), i dont eat cheese on its own, i dont eat butter on its own, i dont enjoy coffee.

18. my prominent taylor's memory? the first time I talked to a guy through his car's window, when picking up intan. I acted so chilled. then the random, unexpected birthday wish from an unknown mobile number.

19. details. i see what other people think is not really important. the sewing style of buttons on a shirt/the material used to make the strap of a bag etc

20. a drama queen.



to intan nur hadilah,
your no 20 fact would be: kau tak suka makan kuih sagu. kuih biji2, warna merah (or sekarang kau dah start makan?) lol

#20factsaboutme

Honestly no one tagged me in Instagram to do this.
Syukur Alhamdulillah. Even though dalam hati macam sedikit terkilan.HAHA.
But since I just feel like writing a new blog post, and yeah why not kan?
Its a blog anywayyy.


1. My full name is Intan Nur Hadilah binti Purdiono. I secretly have a crush for my own name. Untill I come to Ireland, and the locals cant really pronouce my name. " In-ten" it is.

2. Tak makan kacang. Semua jenis kacang in cakes, ice cream or chocolate, except pecan in maple syrup or kacang tanah. And people WILL ALWAYS think because of the pimples, which is NOT. I simply cant eat it.

3. Talking bout pimples, hurmm. benciiiiiiii. Selalu 'merungut' pasal benda tu. Been having the same problems since I can't remember when. Orang cakap bila dah kahwin, hormone dah stabil. better. HOPEFULLY. and jangan tanya bila nak kahwin.

4. Initially I wanted badly to become a pharmacist because I was madly into Chemistry in high school. But as much I still wonder why I'm a medical student, I know deep inside, Allah has planned the best for me. Insha Allah.

5. When I go out to eat with family or friends, I tend not to 'allow' people to order the same menu on the same table. Pantang sikit, sorry :p

6. Masih mencari identiti warna kegemaran. Anything that look good in any colour in my eyes are acceptable.

7. Senang di-influence oleh orang lain. To some degree.

8. I consider myself as a 'deep' person. And somehow, I get annoyed when people sama kan 'deep' with 'emo'. Its totally two different things (for me.)

9. Mini cooper is my ultimate dream car. Future Husband, take note please.

10. Lost my dear father a day before my 21st birthday. Papa I miss you, always. ♥

11. I always wonder what it feels like to sit on clouds.

12. When I was in INTEC, I totally shut my social life down with the people surrounds me. Ignorance gila. Balik every weekend. But Alhamdulillah, I get over it and my phase of life in IMU can be considered one of my best. Rindu sangat semua orang.

13. I can tolerate heat better than cold. Which is why Winter is surely not my favourite season. No snow in Galway  so takpayah nak " Do you want to build a snow man?" sangat please. HAHA.

14. Sticking to a life principle, " Forgiving do wonders to people. Biar orang buat kita jangan kita buat orang." through my life experience. To forgive and ask for forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. Let yourself know that. Insha Allah kini, dan selama nya.

15. Bila aku gelak, masuk dalam kategori 'gelak asthma.' K fine.

16. I cant swim. Takut air. And I'm pretty sure that I will not be able to for the rest of my life.

17. Bila 'marah' dengan someone, I automatically can't look that person in the eyes even though we are still talking. But sekejap je lah.

18. Not a Facebook person.

19. Still striving to be a better person for myself, my family and everyone. And of course, as a 'khalifah Allah' di muka bumi.

20.


Purposely make the last number empty.
For you to fill it with your own fact about me.


:)

Today is Holi-Day.

intan nur hadilah

I cant really recall what date is today.

Wait, I even barely remember what day is today. Just because everyday is apparently Holi-day to me.

Oh well, I love this phase of life.

I wish days pass sloooowwlyyyyy.

Especially when you're back home.

Yes, Malaysia :D

There are so much I can think of doing, but maybe half of it will end up still stuck on the to-do list. Sobs.

And so much to write here as well,

BUT sadly Im not bound to wifi at home.

Surviving on Digi data plan.

Nak on 3G pun kadang-kadang sayang okay. 

Btw, I finally claimed my long-time promise to Sarah Hani. 

Went to Australia and spend a whole week with her :D 

(which I'm pretty sure she was getting nearly bored with me at the end of those week especially bila aku paksa kau tngkap gmbr kan? K. HAHA)

Wanted to write a post about it, maybe soon. Whenever Im connected to any super speed FREE net/wifi. 

And yeahh, Salam Ramadhan to you :)

Rindu my ramadhan vibes with the girls back in IMU. 

intai-intai

intan nur hadilah

Kamu?

The perks of being a third-year medical student.

intan nur hadilah


So, today I feel like writing.
As a third year medical student, I decided to write a post about this.
So that the future-doctor of myself ( InshaAllah) will always be reminded by this highly driven hope and dreams. Chehh.

Its been almost eight months since Im in Galway.
And for the first few months when people (especially the locals) asked me,
 " So are you going back to your country after you graduate?"

A spontaneous answer will be like,
" Yeah of course Im going back :D "

Within those period, honestly speaking, I always wanted to go back home when Im done here.
Not only because Im a JPA-bounded scholar and Im bounded for 10 years bla bla bla.
But because I never foresee myself to settle down far away from my country especially my family. Home sweet home.
And I know at that time, I was so firm with my decision and nothing can change that. Full stop.

You know they said, The only constant thing is changes.

Its been four months since I started my clinical years in the hospitals.
Life had been evolving only around the hospital. Monday to Friday.
Getting to know more people of different levels.
The nurses, staff nurses, interns, SHO, Registrar, SPR, Consultants.
And the more I'm here, the more I starting to understand why our Malaysians graduates choose to stay and work overseas instead of working in the 'tanah air tercinta'.

Oh well, some might say, " Elehh baru duduk berapa bulan dah poyo. Bias gila." Haha. Tak poyo pun. But this is reality. This is based on my own life experience.
Lets not just take this as a comparison just yet,its just me writing about how clinical years in Galway are.

We, the medical students are always welcomed in the hospital environment. Not only by the healthcare staffs but also the patients themselves.
Bukan 'beban'. 
Doctors be it, SHO, SPR or even the consultants are always keen to teach you. Even during the ward round or in the operation theater.
Sampai satu masa aku rasa takut nak balik, takut culture shock sebab dekat sini semua orang baik sangat.

There was this one time, my group and I had a bedside tutorial with the well-known Singaporean consultant yang garang. And I voluntered myself to present a case. Habis lah kena tengking semua.
Asian being asian kan. haha. But then rasa best gila, because that is what I needed after so long. That adrenaline rush of being scolded.
Rasa macam "Weh bodoh nya rasa. Sila balik, belajar."
After so long of having, " Nahhh you're doing great." 

Okay,berbalik kepada motif post.

I bet most of the medical students had watched this viral video.
First reaction was like, Apa motif video ni?
Are they trying to say, Its normal for a doctor to turn out to be like that? Thats the reality of life. Ke?

AS A MEDICAL STUDENT,
This is what I felt.
I dont want to turn up to be like that.
I never want to. I wish I never will. And I bet none of us do.
But dearself, Thats the reality of the working enviroment. No matter how much you want to deny it.

Aku tahu. Aku faham.

But, I believe so you can make a change. Maybe not entirely to the system as a whole. Maybe that's too ambitious. Yeah maybe.
Start with your own self. No one ever said, you have to be part of the reality cycle. Everyone has their own way to adapt to new things, to pressure, to people to whatever it is.
Mungkin satu hari nanti, bila aku dah lupa aku dah penat, akan terlalai jadi sebegitu.
Post ni akan jadi satu 'amanah' umum, satu bukti ikatan janji pada diri. Untuk sentiasa ingatkan diri,
Don't be the type of person you used to hate. 

Tipu lah kalau kata, pegangan kuat 'nak balik kerja terus dekat Malaysia lepas grad' tu tak goyah.
Ada juga terfikir, mungkin aku patut stay kejap. Mungkin.
Tapi realiti sebenarnya tak kisah lah kau di mana, you know life cant always be a bed of roses.
There always be pro and cons. You just have to be ready to face it. Be it the worse or the best. Doa-doa Allah permudahkan :)

So soon if there are more question of,
" So are you going back to your country after you graduate?"


A spontaneous answer will still be,
"Yeah of course Im going back." 


Insha Allah.

Mh370

That was my sketch 4 days post missing 

This is just another blog post, to remind myself what i felt/saw throughout the search for mh370.

It was a tragedy--- 

I remembered the first day when the news were circulating through social medias

Told the girls.

I thought it was a random joke. Turned out it is NOT a joke.

Not funny at all.

I have been following the updates through twitter.

More so through "star online"

Kinda reliable information.

Didnt want to rely on random facebook posts for updates -- too much crap in there

Being overseas, people are more curious when they are informed that i am a Malaysian. Other friends had to endure certain speculations made by the colleagues. 

I chose to keep quiet most of the time whenever discussions over coffee about the missing plane came about.

-- also remembered seeing the malaysia's ministers' faces at the front pages of daily newspaper/ during the prime time news..

There were so many posts and theories circulating through the net

To be honest, i read most of them. 

Thought about the possibilities of such theories.. Denying most of them.

Because

Deeeeep inside me, i would still want to believe it has safely landed somewhere. 

Just anywhere...

-----

17days post missing, i went to bed after reading the statement in twitter "there was going to be an announcement from the msia's prime minister at 10pm (msia time)". I told A and we went to sleep with the thought "it wont be good"

The next am, all the social medias were flooded with condolences. I was devastated. 

Mh370-south indian ocean. Goodbye. 

I do not know anyone on board personally, but it feels close to heart, more so because it is an aeroplane that carries the national flag of my country. 

To the family members who are affected by this tragedy, i am sorry for your loss.. Truely do.😔

Sarah hani.

Mama.

intan nur hadilah

25 March 2014 

" Tapi tahun ni sedih sikit lah, takde orang yang dekat masa birthday Mama."

*sebak hati dengar*

" Alaaa jauh di mata, dekat di hati kan? Tunggu lah kakak balik :) "

Tak tahu macam mana nak start describe.

Bila dah jauh baru lah terasa, baru lah nampak, baru lah sedar.

She inspire me in her own way.

If you want something in life, work hard for it. Nothing is impossible.

Asal daripada keluarga yang susah, jauh datang merantau ke negara orang.

Tidak lah berpelajaran tinggi, cukup lah sekadar tahu perkara basic.

Walaupun Mama tak pernah cakap, tapi aku tahu dari kteorang kecil lagi,

She raised us up with a hope and dream so that all three us will have a better life than what she used to had in the past. Without her hardwork and dua, I might not be where I am now.

Selamat hari jadi Mama.

Semoga Allah makbulkan doa-doa kakak untuk Mama. 

That is all I ever wished for.

"Selama Tuhan mu ada, tak kan engkau tercela."

Sehingga kita berjumpa lagi, InshaAllah ♥

Life goes on.

intan nur hadilah

Last Saturday, Galway's sun finally decided to shine out bright,

After a few days of storm, strong wind and a 'mild'-20 minutes snow. 

And obviously, its a day not to be wasted inside the house :D

-------

16/2/2014.

Cukup enam bulan di bumi Galway.

Boleh monolog dengan diri sendiri, 

"Taniah Intan Nur Hadilah, You survived the first six months."

Just need to get done with the studies and exam coming soon.

AND then...... the first summer break. BALIK MALAYSIA! :D

Insha Allah.

Ramai orang nak jumpa.

Banyak benda nak buat.

Panjang dah list things-to-do, food-to-eat.

99 days to go from now ♥

Andai kata,

intan nur hadilah

"Kita adalah kisah yang pernah wujud dalam hidup masing-masing.

 Dan kisah itu ditakdirkan untuk mendewasakan kita. 

 Kisah yang berhenti, dengan izin Tuhan."

Kisah yang mungkin atau tidak,

tercipta episod baru.

Andai kata, kau dan aku itu pengakhirannya,

Bertabah lah wahai hati.

:)

21.

intan nur hadilah

Minggu lepas.
Kakak usrah pilih tadabbur surah Al-Thur, ayat 1-28.
End of session macam biasa, moment of expression.
So what do you think or feel, or if you have anything to add.

Tak tahu kenapa, hati tertarik pada ayat 21.

Ayat 21 cerita ; mereka yang beriman and masuk syurga akan dijumpakan balik dengan family masing-masing. 

Mungkin aku homesick time tu, but somehow I can feel the joy of that moment.

That feeling of being separated with those persons that is so dear to you for only-God-knows-how-long, and finally get to meet them. That feeling of meeting the familiar faces that you miss.

Lagi lagi bila dekat Syurga.

Lepas dibangkitkan seorang, di padang mahsyar pun seorang. 

Tapi yang paling terkesan bila,

Malam tu aku mimpi Papa. He was there.

Sending my sister and I for a holiday (or im not sure what),

So bila nak naik flight tu,

Dapat salam, peluk and cium Papa. 

I can still recall that smile.

Tahu tak perasaan,

Bila bangun dari mimpi and rasa " Alaaaaaaa tu mimpi je ke?"

Hurmmm...

Mungkin Allah nak bagi aku terubat rasa rindu kejap. Thank you.

Papa, ada rezeki kita jumpa lagi :)

Paradise Fall.

intan nur hadilah

 "Cross your heart!! Cross it! Good you promise. No backing out."

UP has always and forever be one of my favourite animation movie.
Pernah kena delete all movie in laptop sebab memory full.
But I never have the heart to delete this one, just because I can watch it over and over again.

It shows how strong a love between two person can be, even when they are no longer alive.
Love in a good way. If you get what I meant.


And somehow, this particular scene always remind me of you.
I always come out with this imagination future wishlist of mine which sometimes can be irrelevant.
And told you about it. Used to.
And I wish I can still do that.

Ellie :  "You know, you dont talk very much...... I like you!"