The one that got away.

Yes, every soul will taste death. Its a promise we have to believe in.
A promise we have to put our ultimate faith on.
Either its unexpected, expected. Sudden,neither foresee.

I dont see it coming at all. WE dont see it AT ALL.
A few days back from 24th June,

My family was planning a surprise family gathering for my birthday.
A few days back, we were having a normal conversation.

22nd June, Friday

Papa was admitted to the emergency dept because he fell in the toilet and broke one of his rib.

24th June, 12a.m. 

Just an hour ago, i was at home. Making a home-made Tiramisu cake.
When Abang called from the hospital around 12.00am. Crying and terrified.

" Kakak.... Abang tk tahu apa jadi!! Dorang tengah de-fibrillate Papa. Cepat datang. BAWA SEMUA ORANG."

Ya Allah. Sumpah speechless.
Trying hard not to cry and stay calm, i woke Mama up and asked Nana and Kak Siti to get in the car.
Everyone was asking me what happen. Urging me to tell. But i cant. Not yet.
And, Mama cant stop crying in the car.

He revived. But the doctor said papa was critical. His heart stopped.
Dr just bagi two person at once masuk and tengok.
Machine was everywhere. Different wires were attached . He was breathing trough a respiratory machine. Sedih. Setiap orang yang masuk, mesti akan menangis bila keluar.
My sister being the closest to papa was literally menangis and meraung. She was just too weak at that moment. We had to calm her down.

It was the longest night of my life.
Sitting beside his hospital bedside, waiting for him to wake up.
Holding his cold hand, while listening to people reciting Yassin.
Perhaps that would be the longest time of my life holding his hand.
Counting every second of the ventilation machine to beep. Continue to beep and beeping.

Every second at that moment worth more than anything in the world.

I remembered how terrified i was, when the respiratory machine seems to stop functioning even for one second. One second.

7am +

Two specialist were talking to me. They gave him drugs to stabilize his blood pressure.
And suddenly, the nurse yelled,

 " Doctor! Asystole. Asystole."

Doctors and nurses rushed to his bed, pulled the curtain.
A nurse brought the oxygen tank. Another brought the defibrillator, again.
I knew this can be THAT moment.
Aku tak tahu macam mana nak describe saat ni.
Praying HARD, trying to give whatever you can offer to God, to give you just another chance.
Shaking, crying and silently praying.

" Ya Allah tolong lah. Bukan sekarang. Tapi kalau ajal papa dah sampai, Kau redha kan lah hati kami."

Ironically, as cliche as it can be.
After 10 minutes, the doctor walked out and said, " Im so sorry but we tried our best. Sent your prayers for him"

..........................................

Let the rest be in my memories.

The last time i talked to him was on Saturday. The 2nd of his admission.

"Okay papa, kakak nak balik dulu tau. Bye bye. See you tomorrow." Kissed his forehead.

He replied, while attached to the oxygen mask,
" Okay kakak jaga diri baik baik eh."

And, I never foresee that would be the last time i talked to him. The last time i saw him alive.
That was his last word to me.

InsyaAllah I will.

♥

" Allah rindu mendengar rintihan mu, kerana itu Allah memberi sedikit ujian, agar kamu ingat kepadaNya."

kak Diana Rizal :)

intan nur hadilah




Dear Kak Dee, the only person on planet Earth who will call me Jewels.

How time flies, you had finally graduated from IMU and flying off too Scotland next Tuesday.
Congratulation my dear, you deserve every single of it :)

I'm not sure how we can be this close.
I cant remember how we started, but I can surely remember the wonderful feeling of having you around.
And I know for sure I'll be missing you, BIG TIME :(

Akan,

Rindu jumpa kak Dee around IMU with your purple bag.
Rindu kacau kak Dee dekat library.
Rindu borak dengan kak Dee.
Rindu nak mengada-ngada.

You are like a big sister to me, and of course to our other dear friend too, you know who.
A 'consultant' for us too, perhaps? :p Being there, for the up and down.
I can randomly tell you everything and anything, you'll be one of the person i look for if i need some personal opinion whenever I'm lost.
And your response always make me go,

"OMG, kak dee sangat memahamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! "

I shall thank HIM, for a sister named Diana Rizal. For this lovely friendship. Alhamdulillah.

Take care in Scotland. May Allah ease you life over there.
And balik nanti intan nak souvenir okay? :DD

Uhibbukifillah ♥


P.s: Please dont make me cry. Thank you for writing this :')

who you are

i love this song the first time i heard it in in Step Up 3D.

its was a superb awesome movie, despite the tipical plot.

its a movie that cant make me sit quietly.

ohh, tempting gila those cool dance move

:')

I stare at my reflection in the mirror,
why am I doing this to myself.
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.
No, no, no, no.
To lose it all, in the blur of the start.
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing.
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising.
Just be true to who you are.
(Who you are, Who you are) 6x
No, no, no, no.
Just be true to who you are.

this song suits me well in certain time.

nadia and azri nak fly dah. kenapa korang pun nak tinggal kan aku?

tahu tak sedih gila. aku dah tkde kawan macam korang dah kat sini.

:'(