Wednesday, 16 April 2014

The perks of being a third-year medical student.

intan nur hadilah

So, today I feel like writing.
As a third year medical student, I decided to write a post about this.
So that the future-doctor of myself ( InshaAllah) will always be reminded by this highly driven hope and dreams. Chehh.

Its been almost eight months since Im in Galway.
And for the first few months when people (especially the locals) asked me,
 " So are you going back to your country after you graduate?"

A spontaneous answer will be like,
" Yeah of course Im going back :D "

Within those period, honestly speaking, I always wanted to go back home when Im done here.
Not only because Im a JPA-bounded scholar and Im bounded for 10 years bla bla bla.
But because I never foresee myself to settle down far away from my country especially my family. Home sweet home.
And I know at that time, I was so firm with my decision and nothing can change that. Full stop.

You know they said, The only constant thing is changes.

Its been four months since I started my clinical years in the hospitals.
Life had been evolving only around the hospital. Monday to Friday.
Getting to know more people of different levels.
The nurses, staff nurses, interns, SHO, Registrar, SPR, Consultants.
And the more I'm here, the more I starting to understand why our Malaysians graduates choose to stay and work overseas instead of working in the 'tanah air tercinta'.

Oh well, some might say, " Elehh baru duduk berapa bulan dah poyo. Bias gila." Haha. Tak poyo pun. But this is reality. This is based on my own life experience.
Lets not just take this as a comparison just yet,its just me writing about how clinical years in Galway are.

We, the medical students are always welcomed in the hospital environment. Not only by the healthcare staffs but also the patients themselves.
Bukan 'beban'. 
Doctors be it, SHO, SPR or even the consultants are always keen to teach you. Even during the ward round or in the operation theater.
Sampai satu masa aku rasa takut nak balik, takut culture shock sebab dekat sini semua orang baik sangat.

There was this one time, my group and I had a bedside tutorial with the well-known Singaporean consultant yang garang. And I voluntered myself to present a case. Habis lah kena tengking semua.
Asian being asian kan. haha. But then rasa best gila, because that is what I needed after so long. That adrenaline rush of being scolded.
Rasa macam "Weh bodoh nya rasa. Sila balik, belajar."
After so long of having, " Nahhh you're doing great." 

Okay,berbalik kepada motif post.

I bet most of the medical students had watched this viral video.
First reaction was like, Apa motif video ni?
Are they trying to say, Its normal for a doctor to turn out to be like that? Thats the reality of life. Ke?

This is what I felt.
I dont want to turn up to be like that.
I never want to. I wish I never will. And I bet none of us do.
But dearself, Thats the reality of the working enviroment. No matter how much you want to deny it.

Aku tahu. Aku faham.

But, I believe so you can make a change. Maybe not entirely to the system as a whole. Maybe that's too ambitious. Yeah maybe.
Start with your own self. No one ever said, you have to be part of the reality cycle. Everyone has their own way to adapt to new things, to pressure, to people to whatever it is.
Mungkin satu hari nanti, bila aku dah lupa aku dah penat, akan terlalai jadi sebegitu.
Post ni akan jadi satu 'amanah' umum, satu bukti ikatan janji pada diri. Untuk sentiasa ingatkan diri,
Don't be the type of person you used to hate. 

Tipu lah kalau kata, pegangan kuat 'nak balik kerja terus dekat Malaysia lepas grad' tu tak goyah.
Ada juga terfikir, mungkin aku patut stay kejap. Mungkin.
Tapi realiti sebenarnya tak kisah lah kau di mana, you know life cant always be a bed of roses.
There always be pro and cons. You just have to be ready to face it. Be it the worse or the best. Doa-doa Allah permudahkan :)

So soon if there are more question of,
" So are you going back to your country after you graduate?"

A spontaneous answer will still be,
"Yeah of course Im going back." 

Insha Allah.

Saturday, 5 April 2014


That was my sketch 4 days post missing 

This is just another blog post, to remind myself what i felt/saw throughout the search for mh370.

It was a tragedy--- 

I remembered the first day when the news were circulating through social medias
Told the girls.
I thought it was a random joke. Turned out it is NOT a joke.
Not funny at all.

I have been following the updates through twitter.
More so through "star online"
Kinda reliable information.
Didnt want to rely on random facebook posts for updates -- too much crap in there

Being overseas, people are more curious when they are informed that i am a Malaysian. Other friends had to endure certain speculations made by the colleagues. 
I chose to keep quiet most of the time whenever discussions over coffee about the missing plane came about.
-- also remembered seeing the malaysia's ministers' faces at the front pages of daily newspaper/ during the prime time news..

There were so many posts and theories circulating through the net
To be honest, i read most of them. 
Thought about the possibilities of such theories.. Denying most of them.
Deeeeep inside me, i would still want to believe it has safely landed somewhere. 
Just anywhere...


17days post missing, i went to bed after reading the statement in twitter "there was going to be an announcement from the msia's prime minister at 10pm (msia time)". I told A and we went to sleep with the thought "it wont be good"
The next am, all the social medias were flooded with condolences. I was devastated. 
Mh370-south indian ocean. Goodbye. 

I do not know anyone on board personally, but it feels close to heart, more so because it is an aeroplane that carries the national flag of my country. 
To the family members who are affected by this tragedy, i am sorry for your loss.. Truely do.😔

Sarah hani.

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