You did not break me, Im still finding for peace

To the 25 years old me,

Today you were so broken inside

You were hurt

That unbearable pain walking away from a relationship that you wished could be your forever.

I know you never felt this broken before

You cried like you never before for all,

Those insignificant heartache, those restless night, those crazy anxiety, those over thinking and insecurity

You let yourself be faint and weak when you was meant to be strong and bright

And you lost it all when people dearest to you are settling down, married with the love of their life.

And there were you sadly thinking why in the world am I still have to deal with all these sh*t

Perhaps you thought you've met the one

You thought you have given your best,

Or perhaps you were just too scared to be...alone.

No, im not here to tell you "I told you so."

Im here to tell you that its okay darling, what you're feeling now is real

Cry your heart out, dont hold back those tears. Yet do know, you'll be better

Maybe not tomorrow neither the day after

But one thing fr sure, I'll promise you, you will surely be.

Know that nothing last forever, no even your laughter and so does this pain.

Because one day, you'll wake up with an open heart believing,

You are beautiful just the way you are

You know you deserve better

His validation doesnt define your precious self-worth. And most importantly,

You woke up blessed knowing that this is a wake-up call.

That Allah is saving you from things you had closed one eye to, those red flags you were too denial to admit it

And you could have never be more content that you walked away from it.

To NA,

You were once the risk i chose to take

My person, my saviour

My heart and soul,

My perfect stranger.

I gave you more that i had ever given another human being

I trusted you with all of me, something that never happened before

Thank you fr letting me know how it felt to be loved the way I never did before

Thank you for being the exact person you were once said you never would wanna  be.

And thank you, for made me realised all the right reason not to fall in love with wrong person (again).

Dear the 25 years old me,

You grow out of this stronger,

You are wise enough to embrace the beauty of all the pain that you went through.

Because the only way to escape when you reached rock-bottom is to go up.

Nothing happens without a purpose, nothing.

Not even heart broken, not even pain

Dear Intan Nur Hadilah,

You're caught in between strong mind and fragile heart,

There is only one place where you can lau your dependencies.

There is only one relationship that should define your self-worth and only once source from which to seek our ultimate happiness, fulfillment and security

That place is God.

Sweetheart,

Know your priority, this life is temporary

Never lose hope, have faith

Indeed Allah is with the patient

And you'll do great, in sha Allah

p.s: i love you dearly, and so does the wonderful souls that surrounds you. Please never forget that.

#20factsaboutme

Honestly no one tagged me in Instagram to do this.
Syukur Alhamdulillah. Even though dalam hati macam sedikit terkilan.HAHA.
But since I just feel like writing a new blog post, and yeah why not kan?
Its a blog anywayyy.


1. My full name is Intan Nur Hadilah binti Purdiono. I secretly have a crush for my own name. Untill I come to Ireland, and the locals cant really pronouce my name. " In-ten" it is.

2. Tak makan kacang. Semua jenis kacang in cakes, ice cream or chocolate, except pecan in maple syrup or kacang tanah. And people WILL ALWAYS think because of the pimples, which is NOT. I simply cant eat it.

3. Talking bout pimples, hurmm. benciiiiiiii. Selalu 'merungut' pasal benda tu. Been having the same problems since I can't remember when. Orang cakap bila dah kahwin, hormone dah stabil. better. HOPEFULLY. and jangan tanya bila nak kahwin.

4. Initially I wanted badly to become a pharmacist because I was madly into Chemistry in high school. But as much I still wonder why I'm a medical student, I know deep inside, Allah has planned the best for me. Insha Allah.

5. When I go out to eat with family or friends, I tend not to 'allow' people to order the same menu on the same table. Pantang sikit, sorry :p

6. Masih mencari identiti warna kegemaran. Anything that look good in any colour in my eyes are acceptable.

7. Senang di-influence oleh orang lain. To some degree.

8. I consider myself as a 'deep' person. And somehow, I get annoyed when people sama kan 'deep' with 'emo'. Its totally two different things (for me.)

9. Mini cooper is my ultimate dream car. Future Husband, take note please.

10. Lost my dear father a day before my 21st birthday. Papa I miss you, always. ♥

11. I always wonder what it feels like to sit on clouds.

12. When I was in INTEC, I totally shut my social life down with the people surrounds me. Ignorance gila. Balik every weekend. But Alhamdulillah, I get over it and my phase of life in IMU can be considered one of my best. Rindu sangat semua orang.

13. I can tolerate heat better than cold. Which is why Winter is surely not my favourite season. No snow in Galway  so takpayah nak " Do you want to build a snow man?" sangat please. HAHA.

14. Sticking to a life principle, " Forgiving do wonders to people. Biar orang buat kita jangan kita buat orang." through my life experience. To forgive and ask for forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. Let yourself know that. Insha Allah kini, dan selama nya.

15. Bila aku gelak, masuk dalam kategori 'gelak asthma.' K fine.

16. I cant swim. Takut air. And I'm pretty sure that I will not be able to for the rest of my life.

17. Bila 'marah' dengan someone, I automatically can't look that person in the eyes even though we are still talking. But sekejap je lah.

18. Not a Facebook person.

19. Still striving to be a better person for myself, my family and everyone. And of course, as a 'khalifah Allah' di muka bumi.

20.


Purposely make the last number empty.
For you to fill it with your own fact about me.


:)

Today is Holi-Day.

intan nur hadilah

I cant really recall what date is today.

Wait, I even barely remember what day is today. Just because everyday is apparently Holi-day to me.

Oh well, I love this phase of life.

I wish days pass sloooowwlyyyyy.

Especially when you're back home.

Yes, Malaysia :D

There are so much I can think of doing, but maybe half of it will end up still stuck on the to-do list. Sobs.

And so much to write here as well,

BUT sadly Im not bound to wifi at home.

Surviving on Digi data plan.

Nak on 3G pun kadang-kadang sayang okay. 

Btw, I finally claimed my long-time promise to Sarah Hani. 

Went to Australia and spend a whole week with her :D 

(which I'm pretty sure she was getting nearly bored with me at the end of those week especially bila aku paksa kau tngkap gmbr kan? K. HAHA)

Wanted to write a post about it, maybe soon. Whenever Im connected to any super speed FREE net/wifi. 

And yeahh, Salam Ramadhan to you :)

Rindu my ramadhan vibes with the girls back in IMU. 

The perks of being a third-year medical student.

intan nur hadilah


So, today I feel like writing.
As a third year medical student, I decided to write a post about this.
So that the future-doctor of myself ( InshaAllah) will always be reminded by this highly driven hope and dreams. Chehh.

Its been almost eight months since Im in Galway.
And for the first few months when people (especially the locals) asked me,
 " So are you going back to your country after you graduate?"

A spontaneous answer will be like,
" Yeah of course Im going back :D "

Within those period, honestly speaking, I always wanted to go back home when Im done here.
Not only because Im a JPA-bounded scholar and Im bounded for 10 years bla bla bla.
But because I never foresee myself to settle down far away from my country especially my family. Home sweet home.
And I know at that time, I was so firm with my decision and nothing can change that. Full stop.

You know they said, The only constant thing is changes.

Its been four months since I started my clinical years in the hospitals.
Life had been evolving only around the hospital. Monday to Friday.
Getting to know more people of different levels.
The nurses, staff nurses, interns, SHO, Registrar, SPR, Consultants.
And the more I'm here, the more I starting to understand why our Malaysians graduates choose to stay and work overseas instead of working in the 'tanah air tercinta'.

Oh well, some might say, " Elehh baru duduk berapa bulan dah poyo. Bias gila." Haha. Tak poyo pun. But this is reality. This is based on my own life experience.
Lets not just take this as a comparison just yet,its just me writing about how clinical years in Galway are.

We, the medical students are always welcomed in the hospital environment. Not only by the healthcare staffs but also the patients themselves.
Bukan 'beban'. 
Doctors be it, SHO, SPR or even the consultants are always keen to teach you. Even during the ward round or in the operation theater.
Sampai satu masa aku rasa takut nak balik, takut culture shock sebab dekat sini semua orang baik sangat.

There was this one time, my group and I had a bedside tutorial with the well-known Singaporean consultant yang garang. And I voluntered myself to present a case. Habis lah kena tengking semua.
Asian being asian kan. haha. But then rasa best gila, because that is what I needed after so long. That adrenaline rush of being scolded.
Rasa macam "Weh bodoh nya rasa. Sila balik, belajar."
After so long of having, " Nahhh you're doing great." 

Okay,berbalik kepada motif post.

I bet most of the medical students had watched this viral video.
First reaction was like, Apa motif video ni?
Are they trying to say, Its normal for a doctor to turn out to be like that? Thats the reality of life. Ke?

AS A MEDICAL STUDENT,
This is what I felt.
I dont want to turn up to be like that.
I never want to. I wish I never will. And I bet none of us do.
But dearself, Thats the reality of the working enviroment. No matter how much you want to deny it.

Aku tahu. Aku faham.

But, I believe so you can make a change. Maybe not entirely to the system as a whole. Maybe that's too ambitious. Yeah maybe.
Start with your own self. No one ever said, you have to be part of the reality cycle. Everyone has their own way to adapt to new things, to pressure, to people to whatever it is.
Mungkin satu hari nanti, bila aku dah lupa aku dah penat, akan terlalai jadi sebegitu.
Post ni akan jadi satu 'amanah' umum, satu bukti ikatan janji pada diri. Untuk sentiasa ingatkan diri,
Don't be the type of person you used to hate. 

Tipu lah kalau kata, pegangan kuat 'nak balik kerja terus dekat Malaysia lepas grad' tu tak goyah.
Ada juga terfikir, mungkin aku patut stay kejap. Mungkin.
Tapi realiti sebenarnya tak kisah lah kau di mana, you know life cant always be a bed of roses.
There always be pro and cons. You just have to be ready to face it. Be it the worse or the best. Doa-doa Allah permudahkan :)

So soon if there are more question of,
" So are you going back to your country after you graduate?"


A spontaneous answer will still be,
"Yeah of course Im going back." 


Insha Allah.

Mama.

intan nur hadilah

25 March 2014 

" Tapi tahun ni sedih sikit lah, takde orang yang dekat masa birthday Mama."

*sebak hati dengar*

" Alaaa jauh di mata, dekat di hati kan? Tunggu lah kakak balik :) "

Tak tahu macam mana nak start describe.

Bila dah jauh baru lah terasa, baru lah nampak, baru lah sedar.

She inspire me in her own way.

If you want something in life, work hard for it. Nothing is impossible.

Asal daripada keluarga yang susah, jauh datang merantau ke negara orang.

Tidak lah berpelajaran tinggi, cukup lah sekadar tahu perkara basic.

Walaupun Mama tak pernah cakap, tapi aku tahu dari kteorang kecil lagi,

She raised us up with a hope and dream so that all three us will have a better life than what she used to had in the past. Without her hardwork and dua, I might not be where I am now.

Selamat hari jadi Mama.

Semoga Allah makbulkan doa-doa kakak untuk Mama. 

That is all I ever wished for.

"Selama Tuhan mu ada, tak kan engkau tercela."

Sehingga kita berjumpa lagi, InshaAllah ♥

Life goes on.

intan nur hadilah

Last Saturday, Galway's sun finally decided to shine out bright,

After a few days of storm, strong wind and a 'mild'-20 minutes snow. 

And obviously, its a day not to be wasted inside the house :D

-------

16/2/2014.

Cukup enam bulan di bumi Galway.

Boleh monolog dengan diri sendiri, 

"Taniah Intan Nur Hadilah, You survived the first six months."

Just need to get done with the studies and exam coming soon.

AND then...... the first summer break. BALIK MALAYSIA! :D

Insha Allah.

Ramai orang nak jumpa.

Banyak benda nak buat.

Panjang dah list things-to-do, food-to-eat.

99 days to go from now ♥

Andai kata,

intan nur hadilah

"Kita adalah kisah yang pernah wujud dalam hidup masing-masing.

 Dan kisah itu ditakdirkan untuk mendewasakan kita. 

 Kisah yang berhenti, dengan izin Tuhan."

Kisah yang mungkin atau tidak,

tercipta episod baru.

Andai kata, kau dan aku itu pengakhirannya,

Bertabah lah wahai hati.

:)

Dua ribu empat belas

intan nur hadilah

Hi 2014! :)

Tak dapat nak recap 2013 macam Sarah Hani.
Terasa lama sangat dah tak singgah, luang masa dekat sini.

Life had been so packed, packed with so many things going on.

Exam and then winter break yang awesome. Alhamdulillah.

Wanted to write about my winter breaks,

But knowing me, I would spent some time thinking what to write,draft it and publish. And perhaps end up, not even write it at all. Maybe one day. Yeah one day.

We went to Spain. Barcelona - Granada -Madrid- Cordoba to be exact. And went home from Lisbon, Portugal. 

A girl can dream. Yes you can.

Rasa macam masih mimpi dengan rezeki yang Allah bagi.

To get the chance to travel to different places in the world,

To witness the beautiful places and God's creation,

To widen your horizon by learning the history of places,

Meet different kind of people, learnt to know people.

Embrace the beautiful moments and memories with the girls.

Dan banyak  lagi cuma masih tak terungkap dengan kata-kata yang tak seberapa ni :')

---------------------------------------

NEW SEMESTER. CLINICAL YEARS.

Even though I might be the last one among my circle of medical friends who went though their first day of clinical years, but yeah ITS OKAY, ITS ALRIGHT. (denial)

Terasa lain sangat dah bila clinical.

If I know life would be so much different, I would enjoy my lectures to the max. haha.

Having different timing of rotation with the housemates. Semua dah lain.

Its time, to be on your own. For real.

To be bold, to have the courage to voice out.

To be okay with not being okay.

To adapt with no proper lunch break neither prayers break.

This is how life going to be, for this semester, 

Perhaps THIS IS HOW LIFE WILL BE FROM NOW ON.

Belajar dekat negara orang, negara asing sememang nya bukan lah satu benda yang mudah.

Apa aku belajar hari ni, to survive this is to fight the insecurity, inferiority.

Sometimes you claimed things that going to pull you down is your environment.

How people treat you. But fear not, your true 'enemy' is the devil speaking inside you.

How you reflect yourself, how you see yourself is how people going to treat you.

Kalau rasa diri ni kecil sangat, kecil lah dia. Confident sikit.

So,

Fight it Intan Nur Hadilah. Hold on to it. Insya Allah :)

Jangan pernah lupa peristiwa kenapa kau bangkit.

The day you finally sort out why you are still fighting to be a good doctor. 

Sunday, 24th June 2012.

#throwback

 intan nur hadilah

4th Decemeber 2013.

Happy 17th Birthday Qistina.

My sweet little sister, my first person I will recall when the word 'cousin' popped out.

We grew up basically near to each other.

I watched dearly your life transition.

To an annoying little girl who rebel much to this very heart warming lady.

It seems like every time I see you, I see me, in you :)

Writing this down, because changes is inevitable.

Your real life adventure will starts once you're out of school.

Enter college, meet new different kind of friends and stay away from home.

And, I pray to God that He will make you strong to face this new life.

Perhaps the next time I see you when I'm back, you'll be slightly different.

Its okay, thats normal. Its just that I hope different you is a better you.

Uhibukki fillah my little sister <3 nbsp="" p="">

Because changes are inevitable.

Just like the weather.

One day its autumn, the next day you remember its winter.

And so does people.

Again, and again.

:)

9.46am

7th December 2013

Up and Down.

intan nur hadilah


Had a phase of 'breakdown' fr these past days.
Right after the final exam timetable came out.
And guess what,

THEY SHIFTED IT A WEEK EARLIER. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

out of sudden.

Tak tahu kenapa aku geram sangat.
Maybe because I'm still not prepared to be in that final exam mode.
And of course I'm sad and frustrated that I had to cancel my flight to London to meet Sarah, Azri and Wari.
Just becuase the date is now coincide with the flight ticket.
Its one of the thing that I've been looking forward for the past months.
Our 'reunion' in London. Haihh.
Berkecai hati.

I REALLY need that break.
To meet some familiar faces and people to hang out with.
After adapting to this new life and environments. I just need that, you know.
Plus with the homesick feeling while you're sick.
Teringat how Mama would take care of me when I'm sick :(

So end up I felt like its just too much to digest within a day.
And I was emotionally unpredictable person. Sekejap okay, sekejap tiba-tiba rasa nak nangis.
Kesian AMMR kena face it. Sorryy. haha


Hang in there Intan.
Aren't you that bright, optimistic person? :)

RINDU NYA ♥

" Being strong is to love someone in silence,

to radiate happiness when we are unhappy,

to forgive someone who does not deserve forgiveness,

to stay calm in moment of despair,

to show jot when we do not feel it,

to smile when we want to cry,

to make someone happy when we our own heart is broken,

to be silent when we feel like screaming our anguish,

to comfort when we need to be comforted,

and to have faith when we longer no believe."

-Riccky Zulkifli

Reflect, message in the pretty bottle.

intan nur hadilah

I like it when I found something new I love to do.

It makes me feels like I get to know myself better. You know? 

Gituuuuu.

And so Im starting to love my forever alone weekend walk.

"Pergi dengan siapa kt situ?"

" Ohh sorang je."

" Ermm is everything okay? Kenapa sorang?"

" Haha. okay je lah. Saja suka."

A time alone to yourself is something that I think everyone should have.

To discover uhh-meh-zing walking-distance places around Galway.

EHH AKU SUKA GILAA LAH. Serius. haha.

Freedom.

To embrace the beauty,

To observe people around you,

To discover new things.

To reflect.

Deep with thoughts and emotions.

Gratitude and love.

I fell in love more and more with Galway.

Alhamdulillah.

Sunday 20th October. | Spanish Arch |

all picture form Iphone 4 JEEEE :p

Its was so amazingly beautiful, every single of it.
And seriously lagi sikit nak menangis time discover the rainbow :')

Analogi nya--

Andai kata kau pergi Art Gallery. Kau pusing, kau hayati semua art kat situ.
Apa yang kau fikir setiap kali kau kagum dengan satu art. Mesti kau akan fikir something like,
" Siapa yang lukis ni? Kagum gila. Smart kot. Apa yang dia nak cuba sampaikan sebenarnya?"

Atau seantara dengan nya lah. Kan?

" Indeed, in the creation of the heaven and the earth and the alternation of the night and the day are sign those of understanding." -Quran

" We must study the message behind all His beauty. Because if we do not, we are like the one who finds a message inside a beautifully decorated bottle, yet become so enamoured by the bottle, that you never open the message."

Semua yang kita lihat ni hanya lah reflection.
"Reflection to His Greatness, His majesty, His beauty.
A pointer to His might and His power."

Logik kan?
:)

Biar deep sikit, bukan semata nak post Instagram je. hahaha.

ANYWAY
First exam next Tuesday.
Tapi entah kenapa aku rajin sangat lah nak post.
Pre-exam syndrome, memang macam ni. Menyampah i.
Wish me all the best. Doa doa kan ♥

Hello there Galway.

intan nur hadilah

Its been 1 months plus since I'm away from dear home and Mama.
" Galway? So far so good."
The same answer to the common question asked, " Hows Galway?"
And I really meant it.

Its quiet a total diff place form home.
The environment, the weather, the food and the people.
Oh well obviously Malaysia will always win in term of food :D

Most of the people here are very friendly with good manners.
Perhaps because it a small city compared to other place like Dublin.
Banyak lagi benda nak cerita tapi aku tak tahu macam mana nak cerita.
Or mcm malas sebab dah lama sangat postpone post ni :(


If nak update bout interesting place to go when you visit Galway, perhaps its another post.
KALAU RAJIN LAH :(

Alhamdulillah.
It took nearly a month to feel really homesick.
Can you believe it? Me a girl who never been away far far from home.
Pencapaian. haha :D

Tipu lah kalau tak homesick. Especially on a gloomy weather day.
Serius kalau dah homesick, hari hari aku akan homesick.
But come on.. KEEP CALM AND BE STRONG :p

So here's a picture of here and there in Galway.

Hari Raya celebration

the Quadrangle

Cliff of Moher

Galway Shop Street

saturday evening at Salthill

And its Autmn! :)

from my window

Perhaps, next time with words. For now let the pictures describe the thousand 'blocked words'.

Countdown till next summer break starts now!

xxx

Rindu.

o
intan nur hadilah

Akan ada satu perasaan bila-bila aku baca kawan-kawan atau random strangers
bercakap pasal ayah masing-masing.
Either I read it on blogpost, facebook, Instagram or verbally.
I am not sure of what feeling was i talking about,
But for sure its not sad, jealous or anything negative.

Mngkin aku tumpang gembira. "Alhamdulillah seronok nyaa.."
Atau mungkin jugak aku selalu fikir,
" What is it feels to still have a dad now?"

Fitrah manusia, bila dah tiada baru terhengeh-terhengeh untuk menghargai.
I havent done much with my dad untill the age of 22.
But there will always be fantasy of mine,

That I'll take picture of us during my graduation day,
with his proud face on.
That he hug me and silently cry on my wedding day.
That he will be playing around with my (future) children, his grandchildren.

And many more...

" Sometimes you search so hard for the words. You find a way to interpret the language of this heart and the unspoken feelings. But in the end you are left with nothing but silence. And deep down you hope it's understood."

Pandang ke depan.
Jangan salah sangka. Aku tak pernah salah kan takdir or dwell on it.
Alhamdulillah for everything. Tapi tak salah kan berangan kadang-kadang? :)

Mama.
I love you, hanya Tuhan tahu bagaimana. ♥


I wanted to post something about Galway. Seriously its been days kot.
Maybe during the weekend.

an evening rainbow on our walk home in Galway.

You cant have a rainbow without a little rain.

A girl with the green apron.

Intan Nur Hadilah.

Oh well, i miss writing. IT' BEEN A WHILE.

Its been a long phase of a life-break before flying off to Galway. And so, I had a part time job

As a sales associate at Vitacare.

Honestly, I am so blessed to have been working here.

Banyak sangat benda yang aku belajar.

Be it medically or non-medical. Most importantly it is about learning more about LIFE.

Met new different type of people. Diff origin, diff background stories, diff attitude.

6 bulan aku kerja kat sini. Tak tahu nak mula dari mana apa yang aku belajar.

In term of medical, mungkin dah lebih familiar with drugs right now. 

Kot lah kan. Ke bujet familiar. 

You know, sometimes being a medical student, deep inside you cant help to feel sort of a superior feeling over other 'ordinary' people. 

So bila kau tengah mop lantai awal pagi, ada customer masuk jalan dengan selamba nya,

Bila kau kena sound dengan customer sebab kenapa hari sabtu takde plastic bag,

Bila customer complain kenapa barang mahal sangat,

Bila ada customer tak pasal nak rude tiba-tiba,

-- You think they care if you are a future doctor? Nahhh. 

So I learnt one valuable lesson, basically kita semua sama.

Meeting and knowing new people is also one of the best things.

Getting the regular customers to know you.

Having to be working in an environment where people you familiar with are so much older than you,

is one of the thing you don't get in college. 

The feelings of entering a mall and feels like you are part of the big family. 

To learnt the hard ways of earning your own money. Every penny of it.

Bukan lah berasal dari family yang berada. 

To not ask money from my mum to buy things that I want is a self-achievement.

Alhamdulillah. Cuba lah kerja, anda akan tahu.

 Dear Kak Azi.

Intan tahu Kak Azi tak kan baca pun ni. haha. But just gonna write it anyway.

You are one of a kind person that I ever met in my life. One of the lovable by everyone.

Thank you for being my big sister for the last six months. 

Ajar Intan buat kerja dari seorang yang noob gila sampai pro lah jugak kan.haha.

Tanpa Kak Azi, tak ceria lah Vitacare tu :)

Hi Yaya. Kak Intan rinduuuuuuuu okay. Belajar rajin-rajin. Jaga Ummi and ayah tau.

Dear Fatin,

My bitching mate.

Terima kasih sebab kita share body languange, eye contact yang sama bila ada abang handsome masuk pharmacy. haha :D

You are cool that way.

Dear Siti,

My angelic darling.

Kte baru kenal awak tak sampai sebulan, but it feels like we are so connected in so many ways.

Be an awesome physiotherapist okay? Lets pray we can work in a same hospital :D

Dear Fay.

I hope you will find that one thing that you love one day, be it whatever job it is.

And thank you for being an awesome manager that understand my craziness. haha.

Like we can still whatsapp and talks about that handsome MO and DKSH guy.

And please, get married and soon and have babies okay? 

Its been an awesome phase of my life

A phase where i can wish to turn back time and be in it for just another day.

Missing it already.

Goodbye green apron. You have served me well :)

Just another letter.

intan nur hadilah

There’s an amazing thing about broken hearts. 
When you don’t get what you want, you discover a need.
When you discover a need, you begin to ask.
When a request is unfulfilled, you keep asking.

Sometimes He doesn’t give you what you ask for when He wants to give you something more.
Sometimes He doesn’t give you right away because He knows there’s something better. Or so you can keep asking. Because it is in the process of begging, the process of crying to Allah, that you are elevated and brought nearer.

It is in the process of asking that you are brought to the foot of His throne.
It is your need and helplessness that drove you to His throne. He deprives to give.

-  Yasmin Mogahed

Helplessness.

Mungkin mereka tak tahu atau tak perlu tahu.
Kadang-kadang aku penat. Letih. Bosan.
Kenapa perlu wujud masalah semua ni? Sampai bila nak selesai?
Tersepit di tengah-tengah.
Di sini berkata begini, di sana berkata begitu.
Ditelan mata mak, diluah mati bapak.
Takpe, masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri.

"Bersangka baik, bersangka baik, bersangka baik." 
Benda yang aku selalu ingat kan hati -- setakat yang mampu.

Maintain.
Sebab aku selalu tahu, aku belajar banyak benda.
Nilai hidup yang Tuhan bagi sebagai ganti.
Yang cikgu atau lecturer kat sekolah tak boleh ajar.

Alhamdulillah even for the bad. As hard as it is to believe, it can be so much worse.

the third one.
" Because it is in the process of begging, the process of crying to Allah, that you are elevated and brought nearer."

Jangan berhenti berharap.
Tapi apa-apa pun,yang aku tahu dapat gaji bulan ni, 31st March aku NAK Baskin Robbin.
Okay tidur.

Imaginary family tree.

Hi. Nama penuh - Intan Nur Hadilah binti Purdiono.

Dulu masa sekolah sampai sekarang, mesti orang akan bertanya,

" Ayah awak Indonesian ke?"

Yes, he was. And so my mother.

They had migrated to Malaysia around 30 years ago. 

Way before they had me, and so my first brother.

I'm a traveler's daughter. Two married person migrated to another country that was a complete strange to them and decided to have a life here. Solo, no relatives neither other family members.

I grew up,

not knowing how does it feels to 'balik kampung' during holiday or Hari Raya.

not knowing how does it feels to call someone, 'Mak Long' or ' Pak Ngah'.

not knowing how does it feels to have a nenek that will cook whatever you are craving to eat.

But among the 'not knowing', I am so blessed with a brother, a sister, a mother and a dad ( I miss you ) indeed. Truly.

Life is beautiful in many ways depends on how you choose to see it.

And through out my life, there are countless wonderful people come into my life and be my partial family relatives. My partials aunts and uncles, and even cousins.

My mum had babysits these two girls since there were 2 months. 

They were one of my precious childhood memories.

Playing mak-mak, cikgu-cikgu, masak-masak and maybe yes, we did play kahwin-kahwin :p

Being the oldest, i remembered being the mak and these kids would be my lovely children.

Weh okay serius lawak bila fikir balik. Biasa lah zaman takde Angry Bird, Temple Run kan.

And at the age of 17 and 15, Tina and Adik still come over for sleep over.

They remind me pretty much of my sister and me.

Talking about each other friend's and we are each other fashion consultant.

" Adik, Nana nampak BOYAN tak pakai selipar ni?" haha. 

Time flies. These little girls are growing up and be a grown up ladies. 

Kalau dulu ajak main gi padang, sekarang ajak lepak Tutti Frutti lah kannnn. 

Kalau dulu ajar colour colour, sekarang ajar nak kira mass of Oxygen- Chemistry.

Padahal aku pun tak ingat mcm mana.

I thank Him for lending you people in my life. I love you sweethearts dearly. ♥

Be a person your parents would be proud of here and Life after, InsyaAllah.

Ohh and one more thing,

Nanti Kak Intan kahwin tolong jadi flower girl eh? 

L i f e 🌟

intan nur hadilah

“Setiap orang,
Akan ada sesuatu yang dia simpan.
Akan ada sesetengah perkara yang dia sembunyikan.

Dan ada sesetengah perkara yang ingin dia kongsikan.

Siapa pun dia,
Segembira mana pun dia.
Walau sekerap mana kamu melihat dia tersenyum,
Pasti ada perkara-perkara yang pernah membuat dia terluka.


Pasti ada sesuatu yang pernah menguris hatinya,
Pasti ada sesuatu yang pernah membuat dia menangis.

Pasti ada.
Kerana dia juga manusia.

Makanya,
Bila kamu menyangka bahawa hanya kamu yang merasa,

Hanya kamu yang melalui,

Dan hanya kamu yang mengerti,

Kamu silap, dan kamu salah.

Ada orang lain yang pernah melaluinya,
Bahkan ada orang lain yang pernah merasakan lebih dari apa yang kamu rasakan.

Ada orang lain yang pernah melalui lebih teruk dari apa yang pernah kamu lalui.
Ada.

Cuma, mungkin kamu yang tak pernah tahu,
Kamu yang tak pernah nampak.
Jangan selalu menganggap,

Bahawa kamulah yang paling susah, 
paling sakit diuji,

Paling berat diduga.

Ada.

Ada insan lain, yang lebih besar ujiannya, yang lebih berat penderitaannya.
Sudahlah, kesat air matamu,


Walau serumit mana situasi kamu.
 Pujuk hatimu.
Yakinlah DIA ada, dan akan selalu ada.
Bila kamu menyandar harapan padaNYA, DIA tak akan sekali-sekali mempersia harapan kamu.


Bila kamu mempercayai segala takdir dan ketentuanNYA,
DIA tak akan sekali-sekali mengkhinati kepercayaan kamu.”

via tersenyum-melihat-langit. tumblr

2012, you had been a year filled with every emotions, every colours that exist in this universe.
And no matter what, I am very thankful for every single of it because i believe each up and down comes with wonderful blessing, indeed :)

Alhamdulillah.
2013, please be awesome too!
pleaseeee pleaseeee pweaseeee.
:)

of 21 and weddings.

Hidup ni akan lalui banyak fasa. Dari awak kanak-kanak sampai lah remaja, lepas tu dewasa.
Fasa pandai berjalan, fasa first day of school, first day of period, fasa first relationship, fasa hati berkecai dan macam-macam lagi.
And so, salah satu fasa significant dalam hidup aku dan Sarah Hani is bermula nya

FASA pergi wedding kawan sendiri.

Bila umur dah jejak 20-an, aku rasa fasa ni akan menjadi satu fasa normal.

Last few days, we had been to two wedding of our dear classmates of 5Alpha. 2 wedding in the same week.

Yazmir as the first ever wedding of ours and Faiqah being the second one.

Yazmir & Dinie

Apa yang menakjubkan sangat pasal phase ni smpai korang dua nak significant ni?  

Kalau dulu,

• ikut mak pergi wedding, just pergi untuk makan makan lepas tu habis makan, sibuk dah " Mamaaa, jom lah balikkkkkk". Lepas tu mama mesti macam, " Sabar lahhh nak jumpa kwn mama tu jap." 

•  Dulu aku tak faham kenapa mak cik-makcik yang datang wedding tu sibuk sangat nak tengok  bilik pengantin. Aku tak suka sebab nak kena bukak kasut lah bagai.

• Tak payah nak effort sangat untuk bersosial dengan orang lain, senyum senyum. Sorok belakang mama. Kalau mama introduce kawan dia, salam je lah, senyum. Okay dah

•  Takpayah nak sibuk fikir nak beli hadiah apa untuk wedding.

•  Just grab je any baju kurung ke apa yang sesuai lahh.

Faiqah &Afiq

Tapi sekarang wedding kawan sendiri,

Datang, makan. Time makan duduk dengan sarah, mata akan in the same time akan scan surrounding. In slow voice, " Weh kau nampak sesapa yang kita kenal lagi tak?" Hah part ni akan ada dua option, Kalau orang yang discan tu macam rasa nak tegur, aim lah lepas habis makan. Kalau rasa macam awkward, AVOID EYE CONTACT. Roger? haha

Haruslah bersosial. This is the good time to meet old friends yang dah lama gila tak jumpa. Update pasal life mereka dan anda. Taking pictures. 

And tanya soalan cliche, " Hah kau lahhh kan lepas ni." Reaction paling comel and common, soalan ni akan dijawab dengan gelak, denial and pass dekat kawan kau yang lain. Fasa soalan, " Berapa anak dah sekarang?" mungkin tak sampai lagi. Sabar naa.

Maybe few days before tu berpakat dengan rakan yang lain utk beli hadiah apa. Brainstorm possible hadiah yang sesuai. And of course, akan fikir nak pakai baju apa dua tiga hari sebelum wedding tu. You want to look good at your friend's wedding dont you? :p

But among all those points, there is something that will indirectly knocks you. Bak kata Sarah, Reality check-in. We will starts to think of our future more seriously in a bigger perspective, i think. Start to figure out where is your life leading you currently. Bukan nak kata macam its the end of the fun time. No, definitely!

Cuma macam bila kawan kau dah menjadi someone's husband/wife, that the beginning of a higher level of life for them. And so, random thoughts macam,

What does it takes to finally decided to have a married life at your current age?

Are you ready? Or are you not? Or are you even on your way to prepare yourself ?

Something like that lah :p

To get married at any age, depends on personal view and mentality. 

There will be no right or wrong, win or lose arguement in this case :)

To Yazmir and Faiqah, 

Congratulation! :D

 Enjoy the journey of finally having a lifetime partner, a soul-mate in your life. It was such an honor to be there on your big, special day. May Allah bless your marriage with happiness dunya and akhirah. Barakallahuma ♥

p.s: Waiting for your cute babies! :p

Langkawi trip.

Okay merujuk kepada previous post Sarah Hani,

Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah! I passed my EOS5. Yeayyyyyyyyyyyy! :D

It felt so awesome to read the Congratulation! words on the result slip.

And so do the rest six of us. It was a great feeling knowing we can actually had our long-planned vacation with no worries :) 

Langkawi je punnnnn :p

So basically aku akan tulis pasal The girls, me and what we basically did in Langkawi.

Ala ala tajuk post, Tips to Langkawi. Konon.

First day | Tuesday 4th December.

Reached Langkawi airport late in the evening. Maybe around 5pm something.
We rent an Avanza. RM150/day. Worry not for any last minute plan, sebab dekat airport tu itself memang banyak kereta sewa booth and all. Just the matter of mahal ke tak lah.

Check in to Landcons Hotel. Bagi aku Landcons ni okay sangat utk mereka yang takdelah mencari sangat kemewahan dalam accomodation,with a reasonable price, dengan erti kata lain tidur okay toilet okay - settle lah. and plus its a walking distance to Chenang beach :D

Had our first dinner at Haji Ramli since its one of the korang-kena-makan-kat-sini suggestion.
Personal review, sedap lah worth the money even though aku rasa dia mahal sikit compared than the standard price. Next, shopping for tomorrow island hoping and beach day! :D
Oh well, biasa lah perempuan. Dengan beach hat nya, pario nya. Alasan "Langkawi panas okay." relevant nya kenapa kena ada beach hat.

       

Day two | Wednesday 5th December.

Island Hoping day! :D RM25/person is one of standard price.
Basically akan cover boat trip to Pulau Dayang Bunting -> Pulau Singa Besar -> Pulau Beras basah.

Seperti mitos yang diperkatakan, kalau nak subur mandi lah kat sini. Tapi itu mitos lah kan. Common sense nya, you know what to do.  La la la.
Recomended kena pakai life jacket yang disewa. Pit-stop one hour.

Pulau Singa Besar actually pit-stop utk tengok eagle feeding. Takde lah apa-apa sangat sebab akan duduk dalam bot je and tengok eagle tu catch makanan yang dicampak abg bot. Sebab umur pun dah 20-an so takdelah macam nak Omg helang sangat kannnnnnnn.

Okay next, Pulau Beras Basah. Pit-stop ni hang pi mandi-mandi pantai. The sand was super soft, lembut bak pasir dalam hourglass tu. Okay ni baru macam excited sikit :p

Ni macam bujet snow lah kan. Bila fikir balik, takde motif jugak. haha.

Petang tu kteorg main banana boat dekat Pantai Chenang. RM10/person.

Jatuh dua kali. Kteorg begging kat abang tu, Nak jatuh kat tempat cetek PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE.

Okay fine, first jatuh tu. TAK CETEK pun. Aku as someone yang paranoid air and lemas, lagi lah bertambah paranoid. How could youuuuu.

Oleh sebab aku hilang keyakinan dekat tahap 'cetek' abang bot tu, aku je yang tak jatuh dari banana boat sebab hold on too tight. Lepas beberapa saat aku tgk belakang baru sedar semua orang dah jatuh. FAIL. Lepas tu kau bujet konon nak parasailing. 

Ohh Pleaseeeeeee -_-

Third day | Thursday 6th December

Chocolate shopping day! First pit-stop Kedai Haji Ismail, sebab based on short survey its one of the cheapest you can get around there. Despite mungkin murah sepuluh sen. Worth. Apa lah makna nya balik dari Langkawi kalau tak pulang berbekal kan Daim, kan?

Suggestion: Shopping lah chocolate time last day or nak dekat balik if hotel takde fridge, or end up some of them actually cair :(

Datarn Lang. 

Aktiviti : Camwhore di tengah panas berlumur kan sunblock. Tegar. 

Salam perantaaun 2013.

Terima kasih JPA.

Chenang beach

 Tiba-tiba a guy ni datang dekat kteorg,
" Hey i like your hats. Mine is small. Yours is big. Take a picture! " 

Sampai sekarang tak sure tu perli ke puji.

Friendship rings.
No, we are never too old for that :p

Fourth day | Friday 6th December.

Went for the cable car. Surprisingly, the fear of height had been overshadow by the fear of water.
Ke di-overshadow dengan panggilan tunang? malam semalam. Tettttttttttt.
Yang lain muka nervous je dalam tu. Alalalarh comel je.

Next, Gamat House and Pantai Pasir Hitam. Lepas tu BALIK! :(

Pegang tangan takut jatuh nanti :p

♥

So thats the end of the our Langkawi wrap-up.

Lepas ni sorang-sorang fly pergi tempat yang lain. Sobs.

Euro tour, next. Maybe? :D 

InsyaAllah. kalau ada rezeki, we will surely meet each other again. 

Untill then ....

Lots of love,

your Intan Nur Hadilah .

" Nothing makes the earth seems spacious as to have friends at a distance, they make the latitudes and longitudes."