Adel Mardhiyah

Dear Adel Mardhiyah,

Yes, dont be suprise when you found this post link one day upon Google-ing your name. Maybe in 2030, when you're 17.

Or maybe much earlier since you might know how to use the Safari next year.

You're the first bundle of joy in our nuclear family. The first grandchildren, the  first niece, the first who get to call me Mak Ngah. How lucky is that? ;p

Im sorry you hasnt get the chance to meet and know your grandfather, but I want you to know he would be the happiest Atuk when you came to the world. 

Dear Adel Mardhiyah,

Whatever happens in the future, please do know that I love you dearly wholeheartedly. I grew up not knowing what it feels like to have cool, awesome Aunties. But please know you have not only one, but two that you can count on anytime, anywhere. Stay adorable, and be good to your parent. 

With lots of love ❤️

Mak Ngah

The 3 years old you and 25 years old me. 

Ignorance is (-nt always ) a bliss

intan nur hadilah

I used to live on 'Ignorance is bliss". 

Unfriend, hide, block.

When you don't know, you dont get hurt.

No anger, no heartache.

Because Im fragile like that.

But this time it was different.

I realised that at one point, 

You need to know the truth.

Escapism isnt always the best way out

Need to see it with your own eyes

Need to face it, by hook or by crook

No matter how much you know its going to hurt or destroy you.

Because at the end of the day,

"Truth hurt but it sets you free."

And you know one thing for sure--

You'll get better in time

Better and stronger. 

With or without a healed scar.

ps: Was browsing through my phone and found there were few random notes I wrote from time to time. And I think its better off fr it to posted here :)

Good-for-nothing?

Changes are inevitable

The only things that are constant in life are changes.

But, do you remember?

You were once 

Someone who told me to have some decent boundaries among the guy friends

Wants me to read and understand the Quran

Asked me almost every day if I've read it, even though my replies were rebellious

"Tak payah lah tanya, kau ni sibuk je lah"

Someone who hates to delay the daily prayers and drawn me to do the same too

Wrote me a short dua to read it daily just because it's a scary world out there

Taught me what to do when I'm terrified of the heavy rain thunders

Do you remember?

You were once a wise person with strong principle.

Years might pass

But those version of you will forever be remembered

Always am --and will always do.

Thank you.

6 bulan kemudian...

I miss writing, I truly am.

Somehow I think Im a better person when Im into writing. Better in what way, Im not sure. But I just knew I do.

Maybe because I love to read my old blog post and reminiscing on memories and phases of life.

So when I dont write, I tend to forget.

Always had those overwhelming spirit on writing bout major things that happened in my life but end up (most of the time) never did. So sad.

So to start simple, since my last post was in March. Hello thats like 6 bulan lepas. Half a year.

I officially graduated as a Doctor!!

Yeayyy alhamdulillah :)

Can you believe it? Macam tak percaya 

Ke denial sebab jadi student actually phase paling best dalam hidup haha

BUT, its a long waiting period to actually working as one. So Im having a LONG BREAK in life. And to be honest, reading all those FB status bout how stressful working life is, made me appreciate this long break more than ever.

So worry not, IM NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN BOUT HOW LONG IT GOING TO BE. 

Im still trying to figure out what to do with my life now. As much as I enjoy those spare times, I felt so guilty that those time wasnt spent wisely. Trying to find a part time job. This time I know myself Im being picky bout it. Im really not into retails job atm, simply because I still want my weekend to be off.

Wanted to have a job that means something to the society. Nak jadi cikgu tapi tiba tiba rasa macam susah gila lepas tutor Eisya siang tadi. Padahal baru darjah satu. Haha. 

Well, we'll see how it goes.

Till then,

- Your jobless doctor. 

#49daystoFinalExam

10th March 2016


Kau claim dengan Tuhan,

Tapi aku dah selalu je study,
Tapi aku jarang gila ponteng tutorial,
Tapi aku rajin je study group,
Tapi aku dah buat banyak benda,
Tapi kenapa aku?

Kenapa aku?

Kenapa tak orang lain.
Kenapa tak orang lain yang study pun entah bila.
Kenapa tak orang lain yang tak kisah pun pasal exam.
Kenapa tak orang yang selalu ponteng kelas.

Kenapa eh? Kenapa?


Kau claim kenapa dalam banyak banyak orang Dia pilih kau.

Tapi kau lupa,
Pernah tak sekali dalam hidup kau pertikaikan nikmat yang kau dapat?
Makan minum tak pernah kurang.
Sempurna anggota badan,
Mak, ayah, rumah, duit.

Pernah ke kau claim kenapa dalam banyak banyak manusia Tuhan nak bagi kau.
Layak ke nak claim segala "effort" yang kau bagi dengan nikmat yang seribu lagi banyak Tuhan dah beri.

Malu nya.
Ya Rabb, maafkan diri yang hina, terlalu sombong dan selalu alpa

Lupa akan realiti nya rezeki Allah bukan lah pada "effort" fizikal semata-mata. 

Mungkin terlalu lama hilang pergantungan pada Nya

Sebab tu Allah rindu.

Wahai diri

Pujuk lah hati.

Its okay. Its alright.
Allah tahu.

Intan Nur Hadilah, hang in there.
Allah tahu struggles kau.

Dia kan tengok usaha?

:)